How to Leverage Your Network Without Damaging the Relationship
Author: Nicky J. Davies |
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Categories: Career Reset
Business Network International (BNI) taught me many things about networking and leveraging relationships when I started out with my first business in 2004. If you have never heard of BNI or the story behind it, it is well worth a read. My introduction to BNI was when I was based back in the UK. It was a wet and windy winters day at 7.00am in the morning and I walked into a hotel ballroom which was filled with people having animated conversations and an energy that was palpable and invigorating. There were 24 of us eating breakfast and discovering more about each other’s businesses and how we could help each other at this ridiculous time in the morning – the rest of the UK was just waking up!
The weekly meetings had a purpose and structure in place that made it easier for all, whether extroverts or introverts, to present our businesses, articulate who our prospect clients were, ask for help, and most importantly identify how we could help each other. The number of referrals and amount of business that was done over the year was extraordinary.
You may be wondering why networking is so important. The reality is that 70% of jobs are not even advertised. And in some parts of the world such as Asia this is even as high as 80%. Networking is the only way to gain access to these roles.
The purpose of this article is to take some of the lessons I’ve learned about networking and leveraging relationships, and apply them in your own life to help you progress your career.
1. Diversity of Your Network
As human beings we tend to gravitate towards people who we see as being just like us. We have a long history of tribal communities where being able to trust people was important otherwise, we could have been killed. Given this history it’s not unusual for us to spend more time with those who we see as part of our ‘tribe’ who look, sound and think like us.
For example, I’ve spent many years working in the Middle East and there are many different nationalities working within one organisation; it’s not unusual to see 40+ different nationalities working in one company. And you often see the same pattern of people grouping according to their nationality; there’s a shared understanding as well as a common language.
"So what’s the problem?", you might ask. Well, if you want to get ahead you need a diverse network.
It may not be easy to listen to someone who seems to criticises your ideas all the time, but they actually are doing you a favour! Think about this as feedback – these comments may be useful objections that you could hear from managers or clients so you have an opportunity to think about how to handle these in advance. These comments may help you improve the idea so it is more robust. Be open to other people’s perspectives and feedback.
How diverse is your network in terms of background, experience and perspective?
2. Role Models and Mentors
You also need people in your network who are at the level you intend to be or even higher. There is so much you can learn from your role models and people who have already achieved the success you intend to have for yourself.
Many successful people like to give back in some way and help others who are keen, willing to listen, and take action. After all, they have been where you are before they reached the lofty heights they experience now.
Who are your role models and potential mentors – where do they hang out?
3. Managing The First Couple of Meetings with Someone New
Prepare – think about what your goals are, how that person may be able to help, and most important of all, what you can offer / help them with in return. Reciprocity / fair exchange is important in most cultures. In the words of BNI, “be a farmer not a hunter” – hold back from asking for what you are looking for in that first meeting.
You want to listen more than you talk. Be curious and find out what their number one challenge is. Think about how you can help them move forward with their challenge.They may turn the conversation round to you and then this is your opportunity to ask for help. If it doesn’t come in this first meeting, follow-up with any action you agreed to take to help them, and ask to meet again. Now is your opportunity to ask when the person has experienced something useful from you.
It is ok to ask for help! Are you more likely to support and help someone than ask for help yourself? Or do you have a good balance between the two?
For example, one of my coachees was a senior manager with an extensive network. She was usually asked by various people within her network for help on different projects and their own career development. She is a very generous woman and loves to help others. I asked her who could help her with her particular career goals and development needs. At first she struggled to answer. A little prodding and we uncovered 5 people within her network she could immediately reach out to and ask for specific support. This she did and they were delighted to be asked!
The actions they took together helped propel her career forward. Her last comment to me was “I should have done this years ago!”.
So stop hesitating, honour your relationships and be specific about the help you are looking for. Think about 5 people in your network that could help you with specific actions. People like clarity and its your job to provide this when asking for help by being specific. Also think about what you can offer them in return, and have the conversation!
You are probably closer than you think to propelling your career forward. With a clear vision and a strong network you can call on, and they can call on you too, you will find all sorts of opportunities become available to you. Remember to have an attitude of gratitude and open your heart to the opportunities all around you.
Nicky works with managers who are looking to make a mid-career change, helping them make the changes needed to fall back in love with their lives.
To book a Strategy Call with Nicky to look at your current situation, where you want to be in the future, and what useful next steps could be to address challenges you are facing. Click on this link: Strategy Call with Nicky to schedule a call with me.